I grew up in an environment where there was not a lot of love to go by.. During my early school years we moved away from my beloved Cape Town, up to Pietersburg, now
Polokwane. This was during the apartheid era and the two distinct energetic tones that stuck out for me were ones of small mindedness and nastiness.
I was born very sensitive, empathic and open to perceiving my environment. On the healthy end of the spectrum, this is what makes for a good healer when there are healthy boundaries set in place and we are not in denial of our feelings. Think of it as the radio that works by receiving electromagnetic waves, which it picks up in the field and translates in to the sounds heard through the radio. If the radio however is faulty due to conditioning, trauma and ancestral intensities; the sounds that come out, will be garbled, imperceptible and unpleasant to listen too.
Therefore living in this environment was incredibly suffocating and painful, as I had not yet learnt to separate myself from all that I was feeling, I felt cornered by my noisy agonizing monkey mind, unaware of how to escape the cesspit that I felt trapped in. As a child, I was sent away very young to boarding school, far away from home. I developed huge abandonment issues as a result that created all kinds of distorted lenses through which I viewed my environment, as well as myself.
All I could see was how cruel and cold humans could be, which in itself I later got to see, how equally cold and cruel I had become in my own shutdown. This is the case for when the abused becomes the abuser, and it took some painful wake up calls, to see that I had become abusive and was now hurting others.
My only coping mechanism, as a child being forced to face too much, too early, with no support or understanding; was to shut down. It successfully served its purpose during my informative years, but as I grew up, its function becomes obsolete, as it hindered my ability to experience healthy human empathy, joy and interactions with others.
I personally had no choice but to find a way to rise above this hell that I was trapped in. I was carrying so much pain, I was unable to function in the world. I was feral, wild. I needed to learn to support myself, hold myself, as there was no one out there that understood me, nor able to support me.
The abandonment from my family was essential to my path of healing and becoming a teacher. It forced me to individuate from the distortions of my upbringing and in turn, find my own truth beyond the conditioning that I had grown up in. Our need as humans to belong, is the deepest instinct. Many of us settle within the unhealthy toxic environments that we grew up in, which we inevitably perpetuate as adults through the partners that we choose. The thought of individuating and finding our own truth beyond our trauma and conditioning is often not a consideration. The idea of taking space for our lives, installs fear and anxiety, as our tribal chakras are so deeply triggered. Instead we opt for denial. Its so much safer. We know it so well, despite how much we are enslaved by it.
What we don’t realize about our body’s feeling function, is that feeling is feeling. It doesn’t place a value system on pleasure vs pain. It just feels. It’s our distorted perception that perceives it the way that it does, especially in a society that rejects what is uncomfortable. When we shut out pain we are also shutting out pleasure unfortunately and this is when numbness and inertia creeps in.
It takes a lot of courage and relentlessness to work at healing the heart. But it is the most rewarding journey one could ever embark on. We shift our awareness from being a human-being, to a spiritual-being. Out of all the many different philosophies and modalities that I’ve explored over my lifetime, it’s the Tantric path that has allowed me to find my way through. I am blessed as during my earlier years on this path, I manifested my teacher, that saw my potential and was able to guide me through. Many of us have grown up in a culture that ostracized men’s vulnerability and emotions as weak. We are taught to reject that which was uncomfortable. Push it under the rug and hold it together. With women we were taught to be good girls, which forced us to deny much of our power and subscribe to behavior that meant we got to fit in or be chosen.
The Tantric path is not an easy one as it challenges us to go against this conditioned grain in order to find out what our individuality and freedom look like. How else are we supposed to experience release if we do not let that which is uncomfortable, in and therefore out..
You don’t need to have come from extremes in your childhood to want to free yourself from what instinctively no longer feels right for you. For some of you it may simply feel like a calling for what more there might be in store for you. For others, there may be a strong urge to heal, release and awaken. Regardless, working with a guide is essential to this work. Someone who has walked the journey and understands what it means to take the red pill and has seen how deep the rabbit hole goes.
The body is like a store house. All your shit from your past is stuck there waiting to be felt and released. The foundation of this work is to get you back into your body, into intimacy with yourself. Strengthening your capacity to receive, no longer rejecting all that is uncomfortable, is when the real healing happens and the trajectory becomes such that turning back is no longer an option. The process involves activating the kundalini energy at the base of the spine, through working with the sexual energy, among other factors of activation. It is an important concept in Tantra where once this energy in the body is cultivated and awakened, it has the potential to lead to spiritual liberation.
There are two approaches to awakening the Kundalini. They are active and passive. The active approach works with exercises involving concentration, visualization, pranayama ( breath practice) and meditation. Many of these techniques come from the different Yoga’s ( especially Kriya and Kundalini)
The passive approach involves more of a process of surrender where we learn to allow and feel that which is uncomfortable so that a dissolving may happen around what is stuck and hinders kundalini flow. A Fundamental part of this approach involved Shaktipat where one’s Kundalini is awakened by another ( a guide) who already has had the experience.
Shaktipat is a temporary activation which is why when working with me, we utilize with both passive and active approaches.
I offer my initiation journey to you as your guide where my core intention is for your activation and release. It’s a five week process where we meet weekly for 3 hours. You are required daily to do the practices and meditations that I give.
This journey is an honor and an investment, beyond what money can buy. I therefore choose only to work with those that understand this and are dedicated to my process.
Please reach out if you are even slightly curious and let’s see what is possible
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