Imagine aged five you have lost your mother in a shopping center. Panic and terror ascend and you are unable to function. Your mother is your everything, but you are too young to fully understand the depths of this.
All you are aware of, is that she is missing in this large place and you are alone. In the background you hear Christmas carols- Jingle Bells playing. For the rest of your life, chances are you will feel unease every time you hear Jingle Bells playing, as the identification with the trauma of losing your mother, unconsciously became attached to that song.
This has nothing to do with fear that is experienced in response to something not being right in the present moment, which generally speaking, is regarded as being prompted by a clear and present threat: you sense danger and you feel afraid as would be the case with losing one's mother aged five. The concept of fear that I unpack today explores how fear becomes the unconscious conditioned response to stimulus that has nothing to do with the present moment.
This may be compared with the story of pavlov’s dog
Ivan Pavlov a psychologist in the 1890’s, discovered through research, that dogs would salivate in response to food placed in front of them. He then noticed that his dogs would begin to salivate when they heard the footsteps of his assistant bringing them their food.
He discovered that any object or event which the dogs learnt to associate with food, (such as the lab assistant) would trigger the same salivating response in them. He took this process further and introduced a bell ringing whilst feeding the dogs. After a while he removed the food and simply ran the bell. This triggered the same conditioned response of salivation from them, until eventually he was introducing stimulus so far removed from the food, yet continued to activate the same salivating response.
This research has allowed us to understand how our minds become conditioned in response to trauma we experience especially in our informative years age 0-7 when the deepest conditioning happens.
We develop an association between the experience and the feeling, and because we are too young to process the immensity of the experience, we attached negative and fearful feelings to it and our only coping mechanism is to shut it down. Unfortunately this “story” becomes energetically lodged within our subconscious, often attached to the belief that we have done something wrong or are not lovable.
While aged five we are too young to process the immensity of it, it will most certainly surface again later on in our lives especially because it has become a part of our subconscious belief system influencing how our realities play out.
The innate divine intelligence of our higher consciousness however seeks evolution and wholeness of our being. This is partly why we are on this planet. If we can learn to become more conscious of these traumas, we can slowly dissolve our deep conditioning and free ourselves from these disproportionate knee jerk responses that exacerbate fear and lack of flow in our lives.
So how do we work with Trauma and fear?
1- The first step is to acknowledge our vulnerability and to know that we don’t know. The unhealthy patterns in our lives need to reach a point of repeated destruction, before we can we can fully take responsibility for the repeat of things playing out as they do. It’s got to reach of point of discomfort before we take action otherwise why change something? These points of discomfort are pivotal moments for us to take responsibility and create change. There is a certain humbling required in this process, a bit like the alcoholic who finally acknowledges that maybe he is an alcoholic and needs help after all
Reaching this point is the first step and a blessing in disguise.
Then the digging begins in order to understand what lies hidden within the subconscious that keeps creating the same patterns within our lives that cause ourselves and others pain.
2- Finding a teacher or guide who has deeply walked the path into their own dark night of soul, can serve as a beacon of light and clarity. Their job is not to take away the difficulties, but in a guiding manner to simply to reflect your blind spots back to you as well as remind you that not all is what it seems. They see what you don’t see, simply because they have moved beyond the illusions of their own conditioning into a place of higher awareness. They are less of a slave to their minds and have learnt how to align with their highest values.
Ideally it’s about finding someone who works deeply not only with the mind, but very much with the body and somatic healing as the two need to work together in order for the deepest release to happen
3- Body work, working with the sexual energy will trigger that which lies dormant and shut down within the body. Fears around intimacy, power, performance and old traumas that remain energetically lodged in the body will be activated unleashing deep often unconscious emotions that are needing to be felt and expressed in order for healing and release to happen. A good body worker knows not only how to activate these traumas, but most importantly how to hold you in them. While working with the mind can be powerful, this also has the potential to become an intellectual process to deeper emotions and feelings that are needing simply to be felt. Only body work can activate this.
4- We are so conditioned in this world to avoid the things that make us feel uncomfortable, and we chase after the things that feel good. A large part of our being therefore remains unconscious and shut down resulting in us being triggered or reacting disproportionately to situations which are actually inconsequential. Fear therefore is a good sign that we are onto something, and from the Tantric perspective an opportunity to dive into it, in order to fully meet what that fear might be. Behind the fear is the illusion which we can only fully resolve once we feel it. Remember Fear is simply the unconscious conditioned response to a situation based on some unresolved childhood trauma, that has nothing to do with the present moment . Until we can meet our fears and face old traumas, we can’t fully understand what it means to respond to life from the present moment utilizing all of our life force energy. It takes an immense amount of life force energy to keep fears in check. Once we meet these, so much energy is released and we feel liberated and more in the truth with the moment.
If these points resonate with you, and you are feeling the need for support, please reach out for a free video call to establish a way forward with challenges and fears that might be surfacing in your life . Trauma release is a powerful way to come back into alignment and I have immense experience with supporting this. Please click here to find out more about me.